Beverage Coolie, Beverage Coozie, Hand Gasket, etc.   by Ron Tyrie II

       When one thinks mankind's accomplishments, certain things come to mind: the light bulb, sliced bread, and toilet paper.  Without them, we would be in the dark, slicing our own bread, and later on...

       Also making an indelible mark in history, at least in outdoor sports and recreation, is the modest beverage coolie.  There are countless advantages to having insulation on a portable beverage, but due to space constraints, we will cover only a few:  masculinity factor, shock absorption, beverage efficiency, and back-wash avoidance.

       Masculinity factor:  Everyone knows about heat transfer, the warmth of a hand can absorb through aluminum in the blink of an eye, spoiling the enjoyment of any beverage. Beverage companies have taken great pains in order to design a product to avoid such an occurance.  Their answer?  The long neck bottle.  Beverage drinkers say, "That is not always practicle, glass breaks."  To cope with heat transfer, some beverage drinkers limit surface contact i.e. lift a pinky, or use only two fingers.  The outdoor sport arena has no room for an individual who has spent a full day abusing machinery to lift a pinky off of his or her carbonated beverage.  The beverage coolie is the best cure, install the device and don't worry about heat diffusion.  Besides, such concerns will probably sap your strength for the gastro-intestinal contest later on.

       Shock absorption:  During motor vehicle usage, a beverage coolie can prove invaluble in a non-alcoholic application.  Low center of gravity and agitation avoidance are a big plus on a long, hot, sugar sand riddled, Florida trail ride.  Aftermarket companies know this, and design top quality cup holders in center consoles built around beverage insulators.  Back at camp, the beverage can not always be wielded.  But a beverage coolie user can rest easy knowing that width has been increased by a full 20% and is the wide-track CJ of beverages.

       Beverage efficiency:  Related to the masculinity factory, beverage efficiency is key to enjoyment of any carbonated libation.  The thing to keep in mind is that some beverages completely loose appeal when warm, and nobody likes to see a beverage ejected due to this.

       Back-wash avoidance:  Most beverage coolies are unique.  From Spuds McKenzie to your favorite roofing company, from slim line fit to hour glass shape, it is diffucult for a group of people to have similar beverage coolies.   A camping table with more than one beverage can be the source of confusion, unless beverage coozies are used.

       On a scale of 1-10 the beverage coolie hits a 10, and has truly earned a spot in both history and legend.